What if
by Tsutsumi
Summary: What if Akito weren't the head of the family? How would life be different?


Momiji is head of the family

There are piles of sugar. EVERYWHERE. The hours 5 A.M. through 7 A.M. are hug-time. Yay. Akito is dead. Also yay. This should be interesting….

(Early in the Morning at Shigure's House, Main or Living room)

Momiji: (On the phone) Wake up everyone! Its hugging hour!

Kyo: Dammit….Kagura is hell….

Yuki: (in a bad mood, given the time) You think Kagura is bad? How do you think the fangirls would react if _they _were in the Sohma family? (in an undertone) stupid cat….

Shigure: (waking up) Speak for yourself, Yuki-kun.

Yuki: (stressed) At least he's better than Akito….

Kyo: Dear Jesus… here _she _comes…

Kagura: (tearful) Kyo… I missed you (Goes into that 'special' personality) **SO MUCH!**

Shigure: Ah. Poor Kyo…

Yuki: You were the one who let Kagura spend the night here, weren't you?

Shigure ignores the question. Kyo is being pushed against the table.

Shigure: (Wincing) Ouch.

Yuki: (as Kagura is 'expressing her love' to Kyo) Don't feel too sorry for him… I have it worse, you know…. Those damned Yuki Fan-Clubs are going to mob me, if Momiji talks…

Shigure: (in undertone) I wish I were you….

Kyo: (While being beaten by Kagura) Dammit! You are going down!

Yuki: I wonder where Tohru is….

Shigure: Think. Momiji+Tohru+Hugtime?

Yuki: Oh, god….

Yuki walks into his room. Above his door is a certain someone's head. (any guesses?)

Yuki picks up a book (Shigure's) and throws it at the head.

Yuki: Take that, bitch.

Yuki walks back downstairs, and turns on the TV. Kagura and Kyo have taken it outside, through the paper door.

Newsman: In local news, multiple sightings of a rabbit chasing a high school girl have been confirmed.

Yuki turns the TV off and goes to get the Tums.

Yuki: Argh…

Shigure: Isn't time for you to go to school.

Yuki: (evil glint in his eye think when Shigure tells him that Kyo is going to the same school)…

Shigure: Don't seem so sad! I wish I could go!

Kyo: (Running from Kagura) I'll get the dye… You get the scissors…

Yuki: Don't trust me with scissors in "Hug Time"… Have a nice PEACEFUL day, Shigure….

Shigure: Peaceful? Maybe, but not nice! The editor doesn't come till-

Yuki: Let's GO Kyo….

Kyo: I really hope Kagura hasn't bribed the administrators this time…

Yuki: It's a good thing Momiji doesn't have as perverted as a mind as Shigure…

Yuki and Kyo walk, or in Kyo's case, run, from the house, toward school.

Shigure: Yuki-kun! I think you've forgotten something!

Kyo: Hehehehehehe, this should make my day more interesting….

Yuki walks toward the house.

Shigure: You too, Kyo!

Kyo: Dammit, Shigure!

A few minutes later we see Kyo and Yuki dressed in the girl's uniform, Momiji's orders.

Yuki and Kyo: _We'll get you, Shigure. While you're sleeping…_

Shigure: Have fun at school!

Kyo: Why are we leaving so early?

Yuki: You tell me you'd rather be stuck with Kagura?

Kyo:……………..

Yuki: That's what I thought…

Yuki and Kyo walk off to school in silence for about 20 minutes. Kyo is the first to break the silence.

Kyo: I wonder what Haru will look like.

Yuki: I wonder if Haru will even come to school.

Kyo: It's too bad Ritsu doesn't come to our school….

Yuki: I think the idea of Hatori in the female uniform is more interesting.

Kyo looks at Yuki strangely…

Yuki: Yes?…

Kyo: … um… what?

Yuki slaps Kyo in the face.

Kyo: Ouch! This is supposed to be hug-time, not slap time!

Yuki: I'm sure you'd rather be slapped than hugged… but I'm sure we can arrange a slap-time…

Kyo: Grrrrrrrrrrrr…

When Kyo and Yuki arrive at Kaibura the teachers haven't even arrived.

At the Main House

Momiji: Come on Hatori! You haven't had even one hug!

Hatori: Didn't I already test you last week for a chemical unbalance?

Momiji: Wha?

Have you seen Tohru anywhere?

Hatori: No. Won't you see her at school anyway?

Momiji: Yeah…. But school isn't for an hour!

Hatori: _What am I going to do with this kid till then? Give him some anesthesia? Yes, that sounds good. _Hey Momiji…. I think I see a bump on your forehead…

Momiji: Really? How should I get it off?

Hatori: Just lay down on this mat right here….

Momiji lays down.

Hatori: Now stay there, I'll be right back….

Hatori goes into the backroom, and gets a needle.

Momiji: No! No thank you Ha'ari! Nein Danke!

Hatori: This will only hurt for a minute… _If I'm feeling nice…_

Momiji: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Hatori sticks Momiji with the needle. Within seconds Momiji's eyes glaze over. Tohru comes up. She sees Hatori, with a needle, crouching over Momiji, who is unconscious.

Tohru: Um, perhaps I should make breakfast?

Hatori: You do that. I'm going to call Yuki…

Tohru goes downstairs to make breakfast. Hatori walks into his room to use the telephone. He calls Shigure's house.

Shigure: (in a sweet voice) Hello? Sohma residence!

Hatori: _It just had to be him, didn't it?_ …

Shigure: Hello? Is anyone there? No? 'Kay then, bye!

Shigure hangs up the phone, so does Hatori.

Hatori: I need to borrow Yuki's head of Akito….

In the next room we see Momiji waking up…

Hatori: _Why the hell is he waking up? That anesthesia usually lasts for about 3 hours unless…_

Hatori goes into Momiji bedroom. There are chocolate candy wrappers and chip bags everywhere.

Hatori: Oh, shit…. How is this kid so small?

Hatori peers over the bed and sees several soda cans.

Hatori: Of course. Caffeine stunts growth…


End file.
